Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Yeah, my kids fucked up my vagina

Yeah, I said it.
I pee my pants.
I leak pee pretty much doing all the things.
You know the things that moms do, or really people in general.
(Yeah I hear you snickering bitch, guess what, I bet you pee a little too!)

While leakage is relatively normal, well not normal but the norm, I'm gonna bring you on my journey of how to get that shit fixed!

Today I met with a GYN who specializes in urology. Great office but I had to pee so bad, I almost pissed all over it.

Standard urine sample, no prob
Blood pressure, cool
Undress from the waist down, eh that's what he said
Oh I forgot, I've got to straight cath you to make sure your bladder is empty, wtf! This is getting serious.

That's all before I even met the doc!

Also, they make this lidocaine lube, my vag is still numb,


So doc comes in, shakes my hand and gets down to business. And by down I mean she raises the table to her face height and feels me up for a long ass time, then tells me I have

Mixed inncontence
So that's 2 fucked up things,
Stress and urge.
Also that my muscles are "too tight" wtf? Awesome right? Not so fucking much I guess cause it makes me piss myself.
Also that my bladder is starting to prolapse.
Fucking awesome right? I've got a tight vag and an external bladder? Don't you wish you were that cool?

So get this, course of action?
This should be interesting.
I blame this on mayhem, she was born with shoulders like a linebacker, Also there is such a thing as too many kegals.