Monday, November 26, 2012

Fucking Mondays...

I don't hate Mondays, but really, they are one of my fav days of the week! The big kids go to school, the mayhem is generally calmer when they are gone.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Two sides

Two sides of the same coin,
two sides of the same face,

Two sides of the same life, 

Two sides to this twisted story,

When you strip me to my bones,

Strip me to the flesh,

When you see all there is to see,
will you still love
the two sides of me?

What dreams may come.....

This summer I had a chance encounter.

I met up with someone who I've always connected with, but didn't really know.
During the course of conversation we talked about dreams, not the dreams you have for your self or others, but the dreams that come when you are most vulnerable, when your guard is down, when sleep gets the best of you.

After my dad died, all I saw when I slept was the last moments of my dads life, on replay. It was terrible, and painful, and I would wake crying and confused. I used to pray ,

Dreams come swift and carry me away,
Please dear lord keep the nightmares away.

The dreamed slowly stopped, peace retuned to my dreams.

One day I was struggling, with life. With issues... And he came to me then, in my dream. It was disbelief. He was happy he was healthy and he was in my dreams because I needed him there. He held me and I could feel him, his strength, his warmth. He said he was there because he saw me struggle. He saw my pain. He was there because he loved me. It was as if it really happened.

Back to the beginning....

I shared this dream with my friend. And he shared a similar dream about his mom. At that moment I felt an amazing peace and calm. It was like we were destined to be at that moment sharing that story.

That was a turning point in my grief. I felt light hearted, unburdened. All because someone I knew, but didn't really know, shared a grief that, even though different, was very much as deep as my own.

I will be forever thankful for those small moments.

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Road to Daybreak: A Spiritual Journey

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Interesting follow up

You can see the OP here

This is the message I got in response to my previous post, this is what I was trying to get to in the first place. Being bitchy serves no purpose. I took offense personally to her comment. Hence the reason she was put on blast.

"Random, I would like to explain myself. . . I would never tell my child or anyone elses they were a "Hoochie", I was trying to add some "old school" humor, so yes i agree my choice of words were wrong on a serious subject. I still hurt from my exlerince, I hate that my son has suffered so much because of my "stupid choices". I look at all these "dumb" teens and i want to shake some sense into them. I was emotionally messed up, I came from a terrible home. Having sex was never pressured on me but i felt like someone (name removed) cared and thats what i wanted and needed. Then i was left alone. I really hated myself after that. I want so much more for my kids. I wouldnt tell my kids sex is gross, but i will tell them the truth, because as im sure you know theres are alot of name calling from peers and STDS. Im thankful i never had to experince a std, i was lucky. Im sorry I pissed you off, it pisses me off that these tv shows like teen mom make it look so easy, living with their BF or driving nice cars and all the happy baby moments. My experince was HELL no help at home, no car, i had to stuff newspapers to buy diapers + clothes for (name removed) , i would cry myself at night trying to calm a screaming baby then going to school the next morning on the short bus."

This is the reality for most teen parents. Not all but some.

I've seen the spectrum in the 14+ years I've been pregnant and/or parenting.

NO ONE has the right to judge anyone else. Yeah we all do it, I can count on two hands the people who showed me compassion. Two hands the people who didn't care what I did/what happened that were just my friend, and supported me.

What I hoped to get at,
I hope my kids can show compassion in life's toughest moments. Can reserve judgements and just be a friend. I hope my kids, liv especially, can see someone, anyone in a tough spot and show grade and compassion.
This is the only life you are given. It's mot a measure of your choices, but how you deal with the consequence.


My good friend turned me on to a game.

she's gonna kill me but this is her in all her splendor:)

You find the worst of the worst and place them on other people's team. 
Seems legit right??? 

Until your news feed looks like this.....

you start getting text messages like this.....


I recently posted on my personal fb how would you teach your kid/tell your kid when approached with teen parenting.

This outta the mouth of a teen parent.
Hood Rat Hoochie.... Also has a bajillion kids. Well not a bajillion, but you get my point.