Friday, March 2, 2012

Stirring the pot.... Abortion story

   This is not an easy read
 if you are offended easily 
please skip this post.

 ****** This is not my story, this is a story from an amazing woman, mother and wife********
                    This was not an easy story for her to tell, please save your judgement.


I'm pro choice, I think the only one who gets to make a decision about a woman's body is the woman herself.

A couple months after I turned 15,
 I was pressured into having an abortion by my boyfriend at the time
his and my own mother.
Eventually I was literally forced by the Planned Parenthood clinic I went to
 (yes, was horrible and traumatic).
After that, abortion has never been something that I would ever choose for myself.
I still think women should have the right to decide what is right for them.
 I just think that women should really make sure they educate themselves on the process, and the after effects, such as depression. I know some girls that were so messed up in the head from having an abortion that they went right back out and got knocked up to make them selves feel better.
Its not an easy choice to make,
 or cope with.

Planned Parenthood.
I showed up at the clinic with my Mom.
 I was so pressured into it, I felt defeated, and felt like I had no choice.
To my Mother, I was a 'whore', and it was said that if I didn't have an abortion I would kicked out.
 So of course I sit and think
 "I'm 15, I can't go to school AND work and provide my a place, food, clothes, and everything else for me and a baby all by myself... what am I supposed to do?"

So there we are at the clinic, and they call me back, I hated my Mom so of course I told her I didn't want her going with me. So I go back, they tell me to change into a gown and they'd be right with me. So I change, and I'm sitting in their cold room on the table waiting. And while I'm waiting I'm hearing this girl in the other room screaming bloody murder, because she too, was having an abortion.
Come to find out, she was having an abortion at almost 6 months pregnant.
 They finally came in, have me lie down, tell me to relax, which of course if can't relax after you've just heard screaming, knowing that you're about to go through the same thing. My thoughts are racing and I'm suddenly like
"this isn't right, I can't do this, I can't make it work somehow, I just don't want to be here doing this"
 and I say
 " I don't want to do this"
 to them, and look over and they already have this HUGE, and I mean a good 8-10" needle all ready to go for me which upon administering, instantly starts contractions so they can open up your cervix and...well, do what they have to do.
 So I literally tell them
"no, I don't want to do this anymore, let me go out of here"
and they literally told me
 "No sweetie, 
I know you're scared but this is what's best"
three people held me down, administered the injection and the next thing I remember is crying and hearing a vacuum. The last thing I remember is sitting in a recovery area, almost incoherent and a nurse coming over and giving me a Depo Provera shot (which, I never ever EVER said I wanted. I didn't even know what it was). I know it sounds crazy, but it really happened. After that, I had to stay home from school for two days.
 December 12th 1997 will forever be in the back of my mind.
That, and the fact that had things went the way I wanted, I'd have a 15 year old child..
What's interesting, is to this day, I never told my own mother what happened that day. I don't think I spoke to her for days afterwards. I don't think she could have handled what I went through...
what she coerced me into doing.
And what's even better, is not even a week after my abortion, my boyfriend, the 'would be' father says
"I wonder what the baby would have looked like, I kind of wish we kept it."
What's worse, is he had a big mouth, and told one of his friends what happened, and that friend (a girl) went around and told the whole high school. I had people that even you probably know, threaten to shoot me (right in the middle of class in front of teachers) because that's what I deserved after being a 'whore who kills babies'. Ugh... I swear to God my life is like a really fucked up Lifetime movie. And this isn't even the half of it

All of THAT being said,
and you may find this odd,
I still went to Planned Parenthood later on in my life.
I don't think by any means that all abortion clinics treat you that way.
 I sincerely think it was that clinic at THAT time.
 If it weren't for Planned Parenthood, so many girls would go without BC, and so many more unwanted babies would be born. Not to mention, for women like me, who don't have health insurance, its a necessity for my reproductive health.
 One of the IUD's that I had, they provided me with at no cost.
 Thank God too,
because I'm more fertile than anyone I know.


I first of all want to say, thank you for sharing this story, i know how hard it is to tell this story.
I admire your courage. 
One of the things that is left out of the 
argument is 
think that as women,
 making this decision is easy, 
that we feel it is without consequence.
In fact it is the exact opposite,
and OUR consequence
 is just that.
It's not an easy choice, 
it's often regrettable,
but then again, 
sometimes so is having a child.
Being FORCED to carry a child,
because there is no other option.
being FORCED to have an abortion,
because someone thinks you are incapable
or you think you are incapable.
It's the same kind of evil.

What do you think? 
How does it make you feel in your gut?
This isn't a pretty story because it's not supposed be.
It's not an easy read,
And it shouldn't be.
This is a struggle that many women face.
Real women.
Not some man in a suit, not a politician.
What gives anyone else a say in what women do with their own bodies.