Monday, November 21, 2011

The hard stuff.... and giving thanks for it.

First I would like to wish you all a
 Happy Thanksgiving, 
I am so thankful ya'll take the time to read my blog:) 
I love all my bloggy bitches and tweeps!!

Today I am talking tough stuff... for me, maybe not you.

This is the second Thanksgiving with out my dad.
It sucks.
As i write this it has been 
484 days
or
11616 hours
or
41817600 seconds
Since hes been gone.
Every day is a struggle to get through.

He had Esophageal Cancer.
I fucking HATE Cancer.

But this is about being 
THANKFUL

I am thankful for every extra moment i got with him.
I am thankful that he waited for me
I am thankful for the relationship he had with my Oldest 
I am thankful all of my kids got to meet him.
I am def sad that my brothers future kids wont get that opportunity.
I am thankful for his unconditional love, support and encouragement.
I am thankful he showed me what a real man is.



My dad loved me
He loved me when I didn't even think I could be love myself.  
When I was un-loveable,
 he loved me. 
He believed in my dreams, 
he never once told me I couldn't accomplish anything, 
matter of fact he told me no dream I had would be
unreachable.

Even if he didn’t like what I was doing 
he supported me regardless.
 My Dad was larger than life to me.
 He could fix a broken heart with a hug,
 put me in my place by a look
 and 
not ever did he let me down.

He is my hero, 
 it didn't matter if it was taking me fishing at the cabin, 
or picking me up at school,
 breaking his elbows so I didn't get hurt, driving 4 hours and picking me up in the middle of the night cause I broke my arm




  
I can say my dad died proud of me. 
Proud of the daughter
 who wasn't always the best daughter in the world,
but he still loved me. 
Proud of the person
I have become because of him, 
proud of the mother I am 
because 
I had a
father like him.
 In the end,
 he waited for me.
 Because he loved me
 and he knew 
with out a doubt, 
that I loved him.


My sister un law sent me this poem while he was Ill,
i shared it with him, 
he loved it.

THE ROSE BEYOND THE WALL

Near a shady wall a rose once grew, 
Budded and blossomed in God's free light, 
Watered and fed by the morning dew, 
Shedding it's sweetness day and night.

As it grew and blossomed fair and tall, 
Slowly rising to loftier height, 
It came to a crevice in the wall 
Through which there shone a beam of light.

Onward it crept with added strength 
With never a thought of fear or pride, 
It followed the light through the crevice's length 
And unfolded itself on the other side. 

The light, the dew, the broadening view 
Were found the same as they were before, 
And it lost itself in beauties new, 
Breathing it's fragrance more and more.

Shall claim of death cause us to grieve 
And make our courage faint and fall?
Nay! Let us faith and hope receive-- 
The rose still grows beyond the wall, 

Scattering fragrance far and wide 
Just as it did in days of yore, 
Just as it did on the other side, 
Just as it will forevermore.

~ A. L. Frink ~ 
last November, after all my roses died,
 i looked outside and saw one new bloom.
My dad loved those roses,
I looked at that and smiled in my heart.
I know he was smiling at me,
Saying,
I see you,
I LOVE YOU

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