Being a preteen/teen age girl sucks...
My daughter will be thirteen in a few months.. yikes
She has some completely normal body image issues, frankly im pretty surprised they arent worse..
When i was her age i put on about 10 lbs right befor i started my first period, and another 10in the first 3 or four months after. I started loosing it about a year after..
My daughter seems to be following the same course and after speaking with olivia and her peditrician, because the weight gain bothered her, this is very normal for puberty. and in alot of cases nessicarry.
My daughter has since become extremely self concious. She is built simailary to her patternal grandmother, who is a beautiful woman. But olivia, like me, is destined to have a flat butt and larger than normal breasts. She is active, she eats well, and she is loved. She has some very supportive and positive female role modles and she still struggles.
I wish i could tell her that she will aout grow it, but really even as an adult i struggle with the same issues. Sometimes i hate being in my own, streched out, flabby, doughy skin. I feel her pain.
This morning as we were discussing the hardships of being a teen girl, i pointed out that body image issues do not just affect girls and women, but boys and men too. She thought about it, and agreed that it is probably equally distressing. then she said something that chilled me to the core...
"i dont want to grandma's house anymore"
WTF?? where did that come from??
"grandma always says, i need to do MORE sit ups,
eat way less, and i should probably go on a diet"
"if your telling me as long as im healthy and happy, then those other things dont matter, but grandma says it EVERY TIME I SEE HER"
I told her if she didnt want to go, she didnt have to. and if she wanted me to i would talk to her grandma was about how what she was saying was hurtful.
Moving on, later this afternoon, i stopped by the house to have this discussion with her.
I told her what olivia said, and how i am teaching her to view her body as beautiful.... imperfectly perfect.
I expressed my concern that what she was doing and saying was hurting olivias feelings..
"don't worry about it, she will get over it"
was her reply...
Seriously?? i told her that being negitive and condecending wasnt helping her learn to love her body, it was helping to create an even deeper issue. As a lady who has been overweight for most of hy life if not hers, it was kinda funny... She hated being fat, and never did anything about it, so she hated us. it was just how it was.. I grew up thinking there was something wrong with me cause i could never be a size smaller than a 6, my hips were just a little too big, or i could never wear anything smailler than a large shirt cause my boobs were just too big..
I told my mother I will not be forcing my daughter into situations where the people who should love her unconditionally judge her and put her down.
funny thing is, im pretty sure she doesnt even care..
I am teaching my daughter
first impressions are importaint,
and no matter who she chooses to be or what she looks like,
I LOVE HER