Thursday, August 25, 2011

A open ended letter, and one of the biggest moments in my life to date.....

 I told you I was adopted,
 I will tell you a little about my quest to find my bith parents.
I've always wondered who my birth parents are, sometimes I was angry that I was adopted other times, not so much. But its always been an unanswered question, and I knew as soon as i turned 18 I would look, knowing that due to the circumstances surrounding my first and second adoption It would be extremely hard for my birth parents to find me....
When deciding if this was really what I wanted I had to decied if i was willing to face rejection. And not just any rejection, rejetion from a mother who never wanted me, and never wanted to find me or me her, because if she wanted me she never would have given me up.... I had to get over that.... It was alwways in the back of my mind, and it was always a fear...
That is how I started my quest... in sheer terror.
When i truned 20, i got pretty serious about finding them, my mother "the crazy bitch" worked for an attorney in the firm that handled my closed adoption so I had an advantage, she knew some pretty importand details that would have otherwise been unavailable, and she shared them with me intead of making me go the courts and have my adoption record unsealed.
I started my search online on some adoption message boards.
my post looked something like this
My name is Ashley, I was born in Portland Oregon, in May of 1984,  I was adopted at birth to a family by a family in New York,  Looking for my birth parents. My biological mother's name was ******, I was told she lived in North Carolina.
 If you know anything about my birth mother or father a responce would be appreciated. 
I also was told i could write a letter and send it to Social Security and they could forward it to her... i didnt know her current last name so that seemed like it wasnt a viable option.
So I continued posting the same message on boards for a few years then gave up at 23... Figuring Id find her later, or maybe never at all. Maybe it wall for the better, she probably didnt want to know me at all...
Then in November of 2009, I searched for her first and maden name on facebook and found 7 who were about the right age... I sent a message to each of them that went like this:
My name is Ashley I was adopted in may of 1984... Looking for my birth parents. If you know or dont know what I am talking about, a responce would be appreciated.
The next morning 4 outta 7 resopnded with
"Im sorry, but I am not her, good luck in your search"
Two days later on November 3rd, 2009, i got this
I am Shawna. I gave my daughter up in May 1984. It was in Oregon. Are you her?
I was told the adopting parents lived in New York state.
When I was pregnant I went to a park in Portland where you can see all of the mountaintops from. It was beautiful there.

I was shocked, to say the least. I didn't give that information..

A little more a little later...



Shawna said...

That little note to you was one of the hardest things I've ever written....just proves the journey never really ends :)

Autumn said...

And dun dun dun, Shawna is the first person to comment on your blog....
Shawna you have a truly beautiful and amazing daughter. I wold grab on to her and never let go. She will truly AMAZE you!!!! Congrats you two..

Ashley enjoy getting to know her. I have another friend that is adopted and finding her birth mother was a great experience for her. I wish you both luck in this scary and exciting adventure.

insomnia said...

Well, you did leave me hanging. Can't wait to read the next post.
Glad you found her.

Shawna said...

Thank you Autumn! Ashley is amazing on so many levels!!

Nikki Darlin' said...

Wow OMG yea cliff hanger. I'm glad you found her, really hoping it went well.